Pepto Bismol, a daters best friend.

It's been awhile since I have blogged. Some may even say it's been over a year, those people would be correct. I know what you're probably thinking, a dating wizard like myself MUST be married by now!! I mean look at me, I go on a date from time to time and I am very creative when I do so. I try to be original with every date by switching it up, every other date is to the Chocolate for Kazookies or Yogurtland for some FroYo!!!! Mmmmm originality. Nothing a girl adores more than a man who shows he's willing to be unhealthy and borderline fattening. It screams, "I'll still love you when you're pregnant AND I'll be there for all your irrational cravings!" Honestly, I feel like this dating strategy is full-proof. All up until that lactose hits my stomach and then I rapidly recall, it's go time!

You're probably thinking to yourself, "I wonder if my date has ever crapped his pants..." Well I'm here to clear something up, I was spooning (little spoon) and sometimes you just gotta roll with it, right? Like that incredibly famous song from Disney's Frozen,"Let it go"  NOOO!!! You've gotta fight that fiery demon with every ounce you've got! Guys we've all been there, sweating bullets trying to think of ways to keep it all inside. You've probably mastered it, but what about the doorstep scene, she hugs you and that tension sends you writhing in pain and anticipation of what's to follow...It's too late, she smells it. You KNOW she smells it, how could she not. It smells like the inside of Hagrids beard. To save yourself the embarrassment you just run, cuz that's not embarrassing. At this point, it's the only reasonable thing left to do. And then you patiently wait for a follow-up text or call. Nothing. All that gas you couldn't hold in is gone and you simply feel empty inside. Girls, we've smelled your farts too so don't act innocent. When we're the only two people in the car and we know WE didn't fart, who do you think you're kidding???
For guys and girls alike I offer three points of advice:
1. Fart right when you pick her up(or he picks you up) and get that awkward social taboo out of the way. Clear the air if you will.
2. DON'T GO TO ANYWHERE WITH LACTOSE AND OR BETOS!!! At least not until you're safe enough friends/lovers where you accept each other for all your spills/slip-ups.
3. Try to think of something original when you go on dates. Do I do that? No. But this is about your success, not my lack of it, so get off my back!

                                                                       GODSPEED.