Valentine's Day Sax? Mmmhmm

I know some of you with dirty minds look at that title and think I made a typo...however, I said what I meant to say, because that's what John Mayer taught me to do.
As the lovely holiday of Valentines day is coming up, and this is a dating blog, I figured what better opportunity to spread some dating ideas before the big day! Naturally, being the hopeless romantic that I am, I thought of the most elaborate idea I could. It involved elephants, a boat in Venice, and last but not least, a nice bottle of red wine. The only problem is, I don't own any elephants, I'm much too poor to go to Venice and I don't drink. Alas, here I am, back to the drawing board. BAM! I thought of it! If I can't go to Italy I'll make Italy come to me!!!
How does one go about making Italy come to them you may ask? Simple, much more simple than walking into Mordor. You find a girl, a lovely girl. One who has gone to Italy to study the finest cuisine. I knew the perfect woman, my roommates baby girl! So, naturally, I would use him to go on a "double date" and let him know that his sweetest girl would be cooking the food! Perfect idea? I think so. But everyone does Italian food on Valentines day, that, or a disfigured heart shaped pizza from 5 buck.
 So is that really ROMANTIC? Nahhh. I need something more, something spectacular, I need Brian Clancy. If you don't know Brian Clancy you should, he's my other roommate and one of the best lovers to ever walk the earth, next to Ross/Rachel (Friends) and Cory/Topanga (Boy Meets World). Brian has a set of skills, skills that make him a dream for romantics everywhere. Fancy Clancy is a wizard at the Saxophone! What screams sex appeal to a woman more than some sexy sax man!? I reckon nothin'. Maybe a flute. But nonetheless it is still top 2! So I asked him, and he said....YES!!! Brian Clancy is going to play some saxophone while we eat a nice, professionally made, Italian meal. And then to top it all off, maybe send up a few of those floating lanterns? Tangled speaks to people. Who doesn't want to fall in love with a girl who has magic hair? And Flynn Rider! Need I say more!? The perfect romantic night and all I have to do is find a date and show up!

Will I find a date and show up? No. Probably not. Because I seem to like writing about wonderful things rather than making them happen. I figure, heck, I may as well learn to play the flute that night. At least then I can strap on my Bow and Arrows, chill at bus stops, and wow onlookers everywhere I go. Sooo if anybody has a beautiful girl to take on a date for Valentines but is unsure of what to do, Brian Clancy is available and ready to set the mood you desire. Whether you want a ravishing romance or a casual cuddle, he always gets the job done.

Forever alone

Juevos: The sad fate of those without them

What is the number one HARDEST part about getting a girl to go out with you...Getting their number! How miserable is it that the social norm is for guys to do the asking? What if you're a guy, yes, but you have no JUEVOS!!!? You sir are screwed. Because social dynamics suggests that the only way for you to get a girls number is for you(the guy) to ask for it, and if you're not willing to ask for it than become satisfied with the reality of "Forever alone".
Girls I'm with you 100% though, it's not THAT HARD!!! I mean what is the worst she could say to you? No? Big deal. She could of course say" no...because you're an ugly loser with what doctors are calling a little bit of a weight problem." Even then, you're self-esteem is shot, but physically you're totally fine. Nothing to worry about. Unless of course instead of telling you you're ugly she just slaps your face and tells everyone "that creep totally just tried to get my number, I don't even know him". Well no crap you don't know him, that's because when he tried to meet you, you rejected him hardcore.
Flip that scenario upside down and make that man attractive, you've got a whole different story. "O.M.Gosh becky! That hot sack of man meat just totally got my number, #floating" WTF? I'm no expert, but I reckon from the way I've seen things work, that if you got beat with an ugly stick growing up you're sledding uphill pal. Girls will say that confidence is what matters, not looks, but I respectfully claim BULLCRAP. One confident man may ask you for your number and that equals creeper, while another confident man asks for it using the exact same lines and you say Hallelujah I thought you'd never ask!
I'm not saying that every girl is this way and that they are all shallow, and I'm certainly not saying that men are any different. Heck, you've gotta be attracted to the person, let's face it. What I'm saying is that in order to get a girls number, you've gotta ask for it. I never ask for any girls numbers out of fear, and as a result I never get any girls numbers. Due to a lack of numbers and an even larger lack of social skills I have no lady to call my own. Logical reasoning 101. So don't be me, grow a pair and ask for it! If they say no, you've just found out something, you're ugly. But beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder, don't give up hope because you got rejected one time! Keep moving forward, because with all the douche-bags snatching up all the babes, "You're the hero Gotham deserves".